There was an excited buzz in the air all around him, people filtering out of the venue, talking amongst themselves about their favourite moments of the performance that had just ended.

Adam could hear their excited chatter from where he stood inside the ticket booth for the live house he was currently working at as the MC. He didn’t really have any reason to be in there, no one was buying tickets after the show, and selling them wasn’t his job anyway. He just liked to hang out with the little old lady, Mona, who had worked in there for decades and talk to her afterwards.

 

Considering how late it was and tickets weren’t really on sale anymore, he was surprised to hear a knock on the blacked-out glass pane that went down after hours. “Excuse me,” came the muffled voice of a man. “Is anybody there?”

Being way too nice for her own good, Mona raised the glass a little so she could respond. “I’m sorry dear, we’re not selling any tickets at the counter right now. We do sell them online at all hours though.”

“Ah, that’s alright. I was just wondering if there’s a way to get to talk to the MC for a moment, if you know where he is right now? I have something important I wanted to ask.”

Mona glanced at Adam, who gave her a nod. She raised the glass properly.

“Hello, I was the MC at tonight’s live, what can I help you with-” He looked into the face of a man who looked to be in his late 50’s to mid 60’s. His eyes were an unmistakable shade of deep green. He had never met the man in his life, yet he knew who he was instantly.

He felt his body grow hot, heart beating faster in his chest. The man’s mouth was moving, but it was like he couldn’t hear him.

He only snapped out of it when he felt Mona’s gentle hand on his arm.

 

Adam’s eyes focused on the floor for a moment, and he took a deep breath to calm himself, counting to five. Then, he turned on his professionalism to finally look the man in the eye. “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch what you said, could you repeat that?”

“I know you’re a friend of my son, do you think you could give me his number? He seems to have changed it since we last spoke.”

Of course he had changed his number, how long must it have been? Closing in in two decades? He wanted to bash his head against the man’s, but knew he didn’t have as hard a skull as his former bandmates did. Headbutting had never gone well for him the times he’d tried.

It was a struggle to keep the smile on his face. “I’m afraid I can’t do that without asking, but I could pass yours on to him?”

“That would be great, thank you.” The man hurriedly wrote down his phone number on a piece of paper Mona gave him, and he slid the note toward Adam across the worn but well-kept wood of the counter. “Please give this to him. I’ll be waiting, thank you again.” He bowed his head a little, and before Adam could respond he disappeared into the crowd.

Adam quickly pulled the glass back down again, before stuffing the paper straight into the bin.

Mona gasped, about to pull the note back out again. “That’s not very nice of you, you promised you’d give the poor man’s son his number.”

He stopped her with a hand around her wrist. “Trust me, he doesn’t want it.”

She furrowed her brow, but let the note stay where he put it.

“I need to go.” Adam quickly moved toward the door of the little booth.

 

He had a phone call to make.

 

 

It was almost midnight when Rom’s phone rang.

 

He paused where he sat inside the warmth of a gyoza shop, the sound of gentle rain hitting the screen doors accompanying the chatter of the shop’s patrons. He had to do a double take when he saw the name on the screen.

Confused, he picked up the phone. “Adam? Why’re you calling me?”

Crow, who was sitting beside him, stopped eating. His brows knitted together, clearly concerned about why the hell someone he only associated with negative memories was calling Rom out of the blue.

“I need to get in touch with Shu, ASAP. I know neither of you really want to talk to me right now, but it’s important, I swear. I wouldn’t be calling you like this if it wasn’t.”

“I’m not giving you his number.”

“ I know. If he wanted me to have it he would’ve given it to me. But Rom, this is an emergency, do you know where he is right now?”

“Why do you need to know that?” Rom caught the confused and curious looks from his bandmates and stood up to go outside so whatever Adam wanted to say could be kept private. He had to admit, Adam sounded frantic on the other end.

He’d only made it a couple of steps when Adam responded.

“I just met Shu’s dad.”

 

He froze, halfway to the door.

“What? How the f- I thought he was in jail.”

“I have no idea; they must’ve let him out. He came around snooping at my job. He’s looking for him. I need Shu to know before his dad finds him first.”

“Are you sure?”

“Extremely.”

Rom ran his hand down his face. “God damn it. The one time he’s not off-planet.” This was terrible timing. “I’ll call him. Thanks for letting me know.”

He could feel the stares burning holes in the back of his head. Crow was the first to speak.

 

“What was that about?”

“I need to leave,” Not answering the question, Rom threw down some money to cover the food on the table. “I’ll see you at practice tomorrow.”

 

He ignored everyone calling out to him and rushed outside. He quickly found Shuzo’s contact in his phonebook, pressing the phone to his ear as he hurriedly walked down the street. The streets were still alight from the Saturday nightlife, myumon all around him.

His call went to voicemail.

“Shu, call me as soon as you get this,” he said, ending the call. He looked around, locating the nearest train station. Two minutes away.

 

He ran down the street, weaving between people who barely paid him any attention. Once he reached the platform, he found the next train was leaving in four minutes. He stood there, waiting, every second agonising. He remembered when Shuzo had first told him about his family. It hadn’t been a fun conversation, and he had been able to tell it wasn’t easy for him to talk about.

Rom called Shuzo’s number again. Still no answer. This time he didn’t leave a message.

 

Shifting from foot to foot, his tail swished in agitation. He stared at the tunnel the train was due to appear from, willing time to move faster.

He didn’t know if Shuzo was at home, he could be out at all hours of the day with how busy his schedule was. He would just have to go there, and if he wasn’t at home, he’d check Judas next.

 

When the train finally arrived, it felt like everyone was moving at a snail’s pace, taking far too long to board. He bit his lip to keep from telling them to hurry it up. Drawing attention to himself when he was heading to the home of the most famous celebrity on the planet right now was a bad idea.

 

The train started moving, quickly flying along its tracks once it picked up speed. Every stop it made felt too long, and Rom could do nothing but stand there, hand gripping tightly around one of the handlebars next to the door.

His phone rang, and he almost dropped it in his hurry to get it out of his pocket. It was Crow.

He sent it to voicemail.

He didn’t think he had the capacity to form the right words to say to him. He couldn’t exactly tell him what was going on without asking Shuzo if it was alright first, and he highly doubted he’d want anyone to know his family matters unless it was strictly necessary.

 

 

When he got off the train it was a struggle to keep from breaking into a run.

The closer he got to Shu’s apartment, the less attention he wanted to draw. He could feel the stress mounting in his chest, the longer the walk lasted.

 

His phone started ringing just as he was about to ring the doorbell.

“Please tell me you’re at home right now,” he asked, voice cracking.

“I am, you called while I was in the shower. What’s wrong?”

Rom’s senses were flooded with relief. “I’m right outside, will you let me in?”

“Of course, give me a second,” He heard the chain on the door rattle, and then the lock clicked. He ended the call when Shuzo finally stood before him.

 

Shuzo stepped to the side, letting Rom come inside. As soon as the door was closed and locked again, Rom’s hands cupped Shuzo’s face. Shuzo's smile was gentle, if a bit confused around the edges. He placed his hands on top of Rom’s. “Since you’re here, I take it nothing’s wrong with Hachin-kun. What’s got you so worked up?”

“There’s no easy way to tell you this,” Rom said. “Adam called me earlier. He let me know that your dad came to his job trying to find you.”

 

All colour drained from Shuzo’s face. “That can’t be right,” he murmured, his hands clasping Rom’s tightly. “They’re supposed to let me know when he’s about to be released. It was part of the agreement after the trial.

“They must’ve missed it. I’m sorry Shu, Adam’s sure it was him.”

 

Letting go of Rom’s hands, Shuzo leaned against the nearest wall, sliding down until he was sitting on the floor. Rom sank down to sit in front of him. “Are you okay?”

“I,” Shuzo’s ears lay flat, his tail shaking. “I don’t know why I was under the impression I’d never see him again. Logically I knew he’d get out at some point. I just thought I’d have more time to prepare for it. I don’t...” He bit the inside of his lip, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. “Fuck,” he breathed, voice thick.

“Do you need to call anyone? I’m sure with your agency’s contacts you could get an emergency protection order or something.”

“Yeah. Yeah.” Shuzo lowered his hands, taking one of Rom’s back in his, unlocking his phone with the other. Soon enough his phone was pressed to his ear. Rom ran his thumb across the back of Shuzo’s hand as they waited for Yudas to pick up.

 

 

Rom texted Hachin to let him know he was spending the night at Shuzo’s. He hoped that he was already fast asleep by then, but it was the weekend and you could never really be sure.

 

Shuzo did his best to finish his usual routines before going to bed, but Rom could tell that he was shaken up.

In the morning Yudas was going to try and see if they could get an emergency protection order set up. He was going to call Shuzo as soon as he knew if they could get one or not.

Rom heard his phone vibrate in his pocket in his jeans hanging off a chair, hearing the ding of a text message. Walking over to his clothes, he fished it out, opening the text from Crow.

‘Hey u alright? That call sounded pretty weird.’

 

“Hey Shu,” Rom looked down at the screen.

 

“Hm?” Shuzo glanced over at him from where he was about to tuck himself into bed.

“I was with the guys when Adam called. They kind of overheard some stuff...” He handed the phone over to Shuzo to show the text. Shuzo stared down at it for a few long seconds.

“What did they hear, exactly?”

“They know someone’s gotten out of jail, and they might have put together that it has something to do with you, though I’m not sure about that part. They will soon enough though.” Yaiba especially had a knack for figuring some things out. Rom was pretty sure he had figured out he and Shuzo were dating months ago.

 

A long sigh escaped Shuzo’s lungs. “Just tell them the basics. No need to get into it unless it becomes relevant.”

That was probably the best option. “I’ll call him.” He leaned over to give Shuzo a kiss, the idol patting the bed next to him. Rom sat down. “You don’t want me to call in the other room or something?”

“Might as well do it here.”

 

 

When Crow saw Rom’s name on the screen of his phone, he answered before his ringtone got more than a couple of notes in.

“Hey Rom, what’s going on?”

 

He’d been lying draped across Aion’s body, but when he got the call, he sat up, straddling his lap. Aion was asleep underneath him, classical music playing quietly in the background.

“Hey. Are you at home?”

“Yup. We got home like an hour ago.”

“Good. Uh.” It was odd hearing Rom be at a loss for words. “I should probably start by telling you that I’ve been dating Shu since around Christmas.”

Crow had to grab a hold of the couch’s backrest to keep from falling to the floor when Aion jumped at his startled ‘what?! ’ Crow jammed his phone between his ear and shoulder so he could hold up a hand in an apologetic gesture. “Gimme a moment, I gotta put you on speaker,” Crow mumbled as he shuffled off Aion, who sat up, looking very confused.

“You’re dating who-now?”

“I know I probably should’ve told you earlier, I just didn’t know how to bring it up. Sorry.”

“He’s dating the idol?”

Crow’s nose scrunched up in mild annoyance. “Damn, you figured that out quick.”

“Who else would it be?”

“You’ve got a point.”

“Hey, still on the line over here, guys.”

“Oh shit, yeah, sorry. So that call did have something to do with him, then.” Like Yaiba had already guessed while they were discussing it as they watched Rom’s half-eaten gyoza grow cold. “Who’s the jail-part about though?”

“Uh, well…”

“My father,” came a familiar voice, cutting Rom off. They could hear Rom whispering something on the other end. They couldn’t hear the response. Why was he so surprised that Rom was with Shuzo right now? It made sense, if he’d run off to get in touch with him. “Good evening, Crow-kun, Aion-kun.”

“So you do know our names,” Crow couldn’t help but snark, remembering the times he would get their band name wrong.

He could hear Shuzo laugh at the other end. “Of course, there’s no way I wouldn’t know.”

“So you’re doing the wrong-naming for what, for fun? Wait, never mind that right now, the fuck do you mean your dad was in jail?”

“When you commit certain crimes, you go to prison for a very long time, I’m sure you’re aware?”

“Don’t antagonise him, Shu,” Rom sighed. “You’ll probably find out more later, but for now, if a guy comes to try and get into contact with Shu through me, don’t get close to him, okay?”

“Okay. Uh. I dunno what to say right now, to be honest. Is he dangerous?”

“I don’t know,” Shuzo admitted. “It’s been a very long time, and while Midicity does amazing work with rehabilitation, I have no idea of knowing how well they did on him yet.” After another few moments he continued. “I fear Rom might get in trouble if he runs into him, so if that happens, make sure Rom doesn’t do anything stupid, will you?”

“Sure, we’ll do our best.”

If Rom had any complaints, he kept them to himself for now, instead deciding to finish up the call. “I gotta tell Yaiba what’s going on too, so I’ll see you guys tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow.”

When the call ended, Crow stared at Aion with eyes wide in shock. The expression on Aion’s face matched his own. It wasn’t hard to put two and two together.

Midicity only really sent people to prison for years for very few crimes.

 

 

“Nii-san?” Riku sat down next to Kai at Judas’ cafeteria. They were just done with rehearsal for the moment, getting ready to have lunch.

“Yeah?” Kai didn’t look up from his pasta, but Riku trusted he was listening anyway.

 

“Did you notice anything wrong with Shuzo-kun today at rehearsal?”

 

Finally, Kai looked at him, brows furrowed. “Not really? He sounded as amazing as he always does. Why?”

“Maybe I was imagining things...” Riku hesitated. “But there was something different about him. Something, I don’t know... tense?”

Kai propped his chin up on his hand, staring out the window of the second story cafeteria, mulling it over. “I can’t say I noticed anything, but I can keep an eye out for it when we see him later.”

“Okay.” Riku bit his lip, thinking about the last few hours. He hoped he was wrong, but he had a feeling something was very off.

 

 

The next few hours Kai and Riku had dance practice. Neither of them had a moment to spare on thinking about anything else, but when it was over they were instantly reminded of their earlier conversation.

 

They were walking through the lobby downstairs, about to head outside for a breath of fresh air when a tall man with long silver hair caught Riku’s eye. He came to a halt, grabbing Kai’s arm to stop him. “Isn’t that one of the guys in Shuzo-kun's old band?”

Kai’s head turned, eyes finding who Riku was talking about. “Yeah, I think so.” His eyes narrowed, and he started to walk towards him, Riku hurrying after him.

“Is it really such a good idea to- ah, hello.” He didn’t have the time to talk Kai out of approaching the other man before they were face to face with him.

 

The man turned around, surprise quickly giving way to a smile. “Hello. It’s nice to meet again under different circumstances. I hope you’ve been well?” The last part was said to Riku, who stammered out an affirmative answer before Kai could interject.

When he did, it was with an angry glare sent the tall man’s way. “What are you doing here? You already know you can’t break us up.”

“Oh, no no no, that’s not it at all. We just wanted to make sure Shu is alright after yesterday. Rom didn’t get back to us after he talked to Adam.”

 

A feeling of unease wrapped around Riku’s belly. His hold on Kai’s arm squeezed a little tighter as Kai spoke. “What happened yesterday? And why would that guy know?”

 

“Well, they’re dating, aren’t they?”

 

“They’re what? ” Kai’s eyes were blown wide, his jaw slack in surprise. “He’s dating who?” His attention seemed to be entirely on the newfound fact that Shuzo was dating the drummer of ShinganCrimsonz. Riku on the other hand was still stuck on the rest of the bassist’s statement. 

“Oh dear...” the man (Eve? Was that his name? Riku was almost certain of it) looked embarrassed, hiding his mouth behind his hands. “I think I said something I shouldn’t... I wasn’t aware he hadn’t told you, it was so obvious that they’re... I’m so sorry.”

 

While Riku was surprised to learn this, he knew Kai, with his very obvious crush on Shuzo, wasn’t going to be very happy about it. Riku had known that Kai’s feelings weren’t reciprocated, and had tried to warn him about it, but his infatuation hadn’t been able to be stopped. Maybe now he would be able to move on. He knew Kai respected Shuzo too much to actually interfere in his relationship.

 

“Would you like to wait for Shuzo-kun upstairs?” he asked, much to Kai’s chagrin. But no matter how much Riku wanted to ask about what sort of news Shuzo would have gotten yesterday, it wouldn’t feel right to ask him without knowing Shuzo was okay with them knowing. Especially when Eve was clearly prone to accidentally revealing too much information.

 

“Riku, why would we let him-”

“I’m sure Shuzo-kun would prefer it if he could talk to him somewhere more private.” Riku didn’t cut off Kai very often, but he sounded unusually firm, telling Kai it was probably best to listen. He closed his mouth, but couldn’t keep himself from pouting.

 

“Oh, that would be very sweet of you.” He looked toward the exit of the building for a moment. “Is it okay if I bring Adam inside? He wasn’t sure if he’d be welcome.”

Kai bristled, but Riku responded before he could. “That's probably a good idea. You can tell him to come.”

“Thank you.”

It seemed like Adam already knew he was on thin ice with Shuzo, if he’d opted to stay outside in the first place, which was a relief to Riku. He wasn’t sure if Kai would have been able to keep calm if he’d been faced with Adam as suddenly as he’d been faced with Eve. But if he stayed outside now, they ran the risk of Shuzo running into Adam with no warning instead, and that would defeat the purpose of having Eve go upstairs in the first place.

 

This way he could let the reception know to tell Shuzo about them being here before he came upstairs.

 

Eve stepped outside to bring him, Riku seeing Kai grow tense at the sight of him. He put a hand on his arm to try and calm him down, waiting for them to come up to them.

“This way, please,” he said, leading the way. Eve was happy to follow. Kai on the other hand was openly glaring at Adam, who looked a little nervous to be within his reach.

 

 

The first few minutes of waiting were awkward. Kai was clearly annoyed, while Eve was very relaxed, trying to hold a conversation, only to be ignored by him. Riku did his best to join in, but wasn’t entirely sure of what to say. Adam was fiddling with the fraying hem of his shirt, leg bouncing in place at a rapid pace.

 

Finally, Adam picked up his phone, shifting it from one hand to the other. “Uh, would you like to see some pics of when Shu was younger?”

Kai looked up from where he’d been glaring daggers at the floor. “Yes,” he replied, excitement in his voice before he caught himself. He grimaced, clearly conflicted between his dislike for Adam and his want to see the aforementioned photos.

 

His want to see unreleased photos of Shuzo won out.

 

Riku sighed. He wasn’t sure if feeding into his affection for Shuzo was a good idea, but if it would get the atmosphere a little more relaxed it might be worth it. He would have to talk to Kai about how to get over his crush now that they knew he was dating Rom tonight either way, what was another thing to add to the pile of topics?

Kai moved over to sit next to Adam on the couch, Eve trading places with Riku so he could see as well. Because even though Riku might not think this was an entirely good idea, he still had to admit he was curious. He could feel Eve leaning over his shoulder.

 

Adam opened an album in his gallery. “They’re kinda old so the quality isn’t great,” he warned as he clicked on one. Kai gasped, taking a hold of Adam’s hand that was holding the phone. “He looks so cool,” he breathed, admiration in his voice.

He also looked so young , Riku thought. It made him wonder how old Shuzo really was. They didn’t really know, did they? They’d celebrated his birthday together during concerts several times now, but there had never been an age mentioned. Just like what type of myumon he was, his age remained a mystery.

 

“Right? He looked so badass in VKei.”

 

For a while they scrolled through photos one by one. It was amazing to see such a hidden part of Shuzo’s past. They might’ve already seen some of it when Ninjinriot took them into the past, but it had been such a tiny glimpse.

 

They reached another photo that brought Riku pause. It was closer up, showing only Shuzo and Rom. 

They were sitting on top of a speaker, Rom’s back pressing against Shuzo’s side in an attempt to steal as much room on it as possible. Rom was grinning, shirtless and in ripped jeans, Shu in black jeans torn to expose quite a lot more leg than they were used to seeing, and an oversized knitted jumper hanging off one shoulder. He wore heavy makeup that made his green eyes stand out against the darkness of it.  

 

He’d never seen such an expression on Shuzo’s face before. 

 

He looked annoyed, but at the same time there was an edge of fondness in his eyes that Riku found hard to miss. He realised that Shuzo must have liked Rom for a very long time.

“Aw, look at them, so cute.” Eve cooed. “We were so young back then.”

Adam looked up to shoot Eve a smile. “Yeah. I-” He cut himself off, staring toward the door. “Shu!”

 

The rest of them looked up, Kai and Riku’s faces both flushing at having been caught essentially snooping into Shuzo’s business, no matter how innocently.

“I heard we had guests,” Shuzo said, straightening himself up from where he had been leaning against the door frame. “What are you looking at?”

 

Adam fumbled with the phone, turning it around to show him. Shuzo gingerly plucked it out of his hand, looking at the screen. His eyes softened as he looked at the photo. “We were so young, indeed.” He handed the phone back to Adam, who put it back in his pocket.

“Sorry, I uh, I’m probably the last person you wanna see right now.”

“Not quite, but I assume that’s why you’re here in the first place.” His smile was dazzling as always, but the words didn’t really match up with it. Riku’s eyes moved between Adam and Shuzo. 

“I know we probably shouldn’t be here, but, uh…” Adam looked to the side as he trailed off.

Eve picked up where he stopped. “We were worried,” he said with a kind smile. Riku noticed the tense edge of Shuzo’s smile

Before they could get any further, Shuzo turned his eyes toward Kai and Riku. His smile was kind. “I’m sorry, but could I ask you to leave the room for a moment?”

Riku fretted, shifting in his seat. Still he stood up, taking Kai’s hand, even as he protested.

“Of course.”

Whatever had happened, they could only hope that Shuzo would be okay.

 

And that maybe he would tell them in time.

 

 

As it turned out, getting an emergency protection order was a lot harder than Shuzo would have hoped.

 

Yudas had been told that unless Shuzo’s father actually did something, they couldn’t really get one for him. Sure, he could file one, but the likelihood of getting it approved was slim. When Yudas told him about it, he felt like his heart was beating straight into his ears.

Sure, it had been well over a decade, maybe he had changed during his time in prison. Midicity was very concentrated on rehabilitation and had a really good success rate at helping people so they didn’t reoffend. But that thought didn’t exactly do anything to quell his fears when he’d spent so many years of his childhood in fear.

 

 

He spent the next few days in a bit of a haze. No matter where he went he felt tense, as if waiting for the other shoe to drop. He acted like everything was normal whenever he could be seen, interacting with Kai and Riku the same way he always did. He could tell that they were on to him that something was amiss though. Adam and Eve’s visit to the agency had made sure of that.

A little part of him regretted not giving either of them his number before this happened to avoid them seeking him out in person, but it was too late to change that. They had his number now, and could get in touch with him if they were confronted with his father again.

 

Almost a week after Adam’s initial run-in with his dad, on a mid-June Thursday afternoon, Shuzo found himself at a bar he liked to frequent when he needed some time alone to think. It was a bit tucked away, hidden and forgotten by most of the inhabitants in Midicity, but he liked the atmosphere, and the clientele tended to keep to themselves and not bother him, which he highly appreciated.

 

Trichronika had their first live in a short tour the following Saturday, one that culminated on his birthday, and it was hard to find spare time so close to it, between rehearsals and everything else. Since he started properly dating Rom he had spent a lot of what downtime he had with him, but tonight he needed some time to mull things over, alone. He needed to figure out a strategy on how to best handle his father, should he show up when Shuzo was in public and couldn’t just leave. He couldn’t very well have him call him his son or by his old name in public, his image didn’t lend for people knowing about his family.

 

The bartender, a friendly frog myumon, gave him a fresh glass when he asked for another drink, sliding it across the counter. Shuzo let his eyes wander across the bar and out the window. The weather was lovely, making the little bar even emptier than usual. Few people wanted to be cooped up inside on an evening like this.

He watched the sun go down, the river outside only a few meters away sparkling in the warm light filtering between the buildings on the other side. 

 

There was something different about the taste of the Southside tonight. He didn’t drink very often these days, but the drink had become an occasional indulgence of his. This bar especially was very good at their mixed drinks, and very reliable, so the change in flavour surprised him.

“Did you change something about this drink recently?”

The bartender beamed at him. “We did, we’re trying a different brand of syrup. It’s been very well liked so far. Do you like it?”

Shuzo considered it for a moment. If he was being honest he much preferred the previous version. But he wasn’t a very honest man. “Yes, very much.”

The bartender seemed happy about the response, smile growing even brighter before he went back to wipe down the counter. 

 

Shuzo spent the next few minutes sipping on his drink. Maybe the next time he came here he would try something else.

 

Furrowing his brow, he slipped out of his seat. “Excuse me,” he shot the bartender a pleasant smile, heading toward the bathroom. He wasn’t sure why, but he was feeling kind of sick. It wasn’t like he was drinking on an empty stomach, nor had he had too much. This was only his first drink, and he usually capped himself at three, at most, to avoid the risk of getting drunk in public. He’d never had this reaction to it before.

Was there something in the new syrup that brought this on?

 

He stepped into one of the little rooms beyond the sinks, locking the door. The scent of cleaning products made everything feel worse, and he had to crouch down, taking a few steadying breaths to keep from throwing up. He stared into the white tiles of the bathroom floor.

 

It felt like his brain wasn’t working properly. Was he getting sick? He didn’t have the time for that, especially not so soon before their next tour.

Something felt terribly wrong.

 

With his heart pounding in his ears he had to hold on to the edge of the toilet seat to keep from falling over despite already sitting down. He was starting to feel like his body was shutting down, as if he was about to fall asleep.

 

Suddenly the thought hit him that he might’ve been drugged.

 

It wasn’t above something his father would do; he had already done it in the past, more than once. But how had he managed to do so without Shuzo being made aware of his presence? And the bartender, had he not noticed either?

 

Covering his mouth with his hand, he got back up on his feet. It was a struggle just to stand, and he felt his eyes start to droop. He tried to pull out his phone, only to drop it on the floor. Silently cursing to himself he went to pick it up, his other hand unlocking the door.

 

When he turned his eyes back up he was face to face with the bartender.

 

He tried to bypass the man who was blocking his way. “Excuse me, I’m afraid I need to leave-”

A hand grabbed his wrist. The touch burned uncomfortably against his skin, feeling like thousands of pinpricks at once. “I’m afraid I can’t let you leave yet,” the bartender said. Shuzo felt his smile slip. His brain was struggling to catch up with the situation.

“I’ve already paid for my drinks-” He tried to pull his arm away, but he felt weak, limbs trembling. He felt his knees buckle, the hold on his wrist the only thing keeping him from completely falling over.

 

The last thing he felt was being lifted off the floor. Then everything faded to black.

 

 

Waking up was painful. His head was sore in a way it hadn’t been since he was young and experiencing his first hangover. Everything around him was a blur, and he couldn’t remember anything about why he was feeling this way. He remembered walking down the river to go to the bar, but then everything got hazy and just disappeared out of his mind completely.

 

He tried to sit up, but found himself stuck. He flexed his fingers, opening and closing his hands until he felt like he had them under control. He tried to move his arm to roll over instead.

 

That’s when it finally dawned on him that his wrists were tied to the headboard. Panic filled his chest and stuck in his throat. Where the hell was he? He looked around, taking in his surroundings despite the haze still making every thought feel muddy. He was inside a bedroom filled with a startlingly large amount of memorabilia of himself on walls and shelves.

 

He felt sick to his stomach.

 

He’d had stalkers before, it wasn’t unheard of in the idol industry. Judas even had a whole lesson on how to handle them and who in their agency to turn to if any of their talent found themselves having one. But with his focus being solely on the risks of running into his father, he had forgotten all about them.

He squeezed his eyes shut, concentrating on slowing his breathing. Panicking wouldn’t do him any good in this situation, but he found it hard to stop the emotions from taking over.

 

“Shuzo-san, you’re awake! Finally, I was worried I got the dose wrong. Are you feeling alright?”

 

Shuzo felt his body grow stiff at the sound of the voice. Opening his eyes, the bartender came into view, hovering over him.

“I-” He cut himself off, trying to remember how to handle stalkers. It hadn’t included any mentions of kidnapping though, leaving him floundering, at a loss for what to do. “Yes, thank you. Would you... mind if I could have some water, please?”

 

Maybe if he stayed polite it would make the man trust him enough to get close. He was sure that if he could get a clear enough head, he would be able to kick him in just the right place to get the time to get himself out of these ropes, no matter if he had to bite his way through them.

“Oh, of course!” The man hurried toward the door. Once it was opened Shuzo was disappointed to see that the only thing he could see on the other side was another wall. It was either in a corner or at the end of a corridor.

 

The bartender – his kidnapper – soon came back, a bottle of water in his hands. He came to sit on the edge of the bed, making Shuzo want to recoil, but he managed to keep from moving. The man was just about to raise the bottle to his lips when he paused, pulling out a white bottle. The name of the medication on the label was familiar and made Shuzo’s stomach clench.

Out of all th brands and names, why did it have to be that one ?

 

“I’m sorry, you need to take it with this.” The man shook a few pills out of the bottle. Shuzo’s eyes moved between the pills and the man’s face. He slowly shook his head, eyes moving back and forth, searching for an escape. If he stayed drugged he wouldn’t be able to fight back, and who knows what this guy was planning.

 

His mind went to his father. Well, he had some horrible ideas on what he might try.

 

The pills were pressed against his lips, Shuzo clenching his teeth together tightly. He stared into the man’s eyes, pleading as best as he could without making a sound. “I have to, I can’t risk you trying to run away right now,” the man said. “It’s just temporary, once you’ve come to love me back I won’t make you take it anymore.”

 

Shuzo’s jaw dropped. Surely he didn’t think he was going to fall in love with a man who had drugged and kidnapped him? There was no way.

 

The man was quick to take advantage of Shuzo’s mistake, pushing the pills between his lips. Shuzo tried to spit them out, but found the open water bottle pressed against his lips instead. He pinched his lips shut again, but the man managed to pry his mouth open, forcing the water into his mouth. It ran down the sides of his face, pooling under his neck, soaking the pillow and the sheets. A hand came to cover his mouth as he tried to spit it back out. He breathed through his nose, fighting the reflex to swallow.

Noticing, his kidnapper pinched his nose shut.

 

Shuzo’s eyes widened, and he tried desperately to kick him at the same time as he held his breath. 

But the man wasn’t relenting, pressing his head down against the pillow until Shuzo felt like he was going to pass out.

 

He felt hot tears run down his temples as he was finally forced to swallow.

 

The man held him still a few moments longer, ensuring that he had actually swallowed everything before letting go.

Shuzo turned his head, away from the man as best as he could as he coughed, some of the water having gone down the wrong pipe. He wished desperately that the pills had done so as well, but he already knew that they hadn’t.

 

He couldn’t keep his body from recoiling this time when he felt the man place a gentle hand on his arm. It made even more tears spring from his eyes, and he felt sick when the man started to hum. The melody registered as one of Trichronika’s own songs, his own lyrics fed back to him in a mockery of comfort.

“It’s only temporary,” the man assured. "I promise.”

He felt a hand in his hair, on his cheek, caressing his tearstained face. “My name’s Emund,” the man said. “I hope we’ll get along well.”

 

A bitter taste unrelated to the medication he’d just been force-fed filled his mouth. He kept his mouth shut.

 

 

It was early Friday afternoon and Shuzo was late.

 

Extremely late, in fact.

 

Their rehearsal was supposed to start over an hour ago, and he had still not showed. Kai and Riku exchanged concerned glances. It was extremely out of character for Shuzo to run late. In fact, they were both sure it had never happened before, as long as they’d known him.

 

Riku bit his lip, watching Kai pace the room.

 

“Nii-san, do you think we should call Yudas-san?” Surely he, if anyone, would know if there was a reason Shuzo was running late.

Kai quickly came to a stop, pulling out his phone. “Yeah, I’ll do that. You got that Eve guy’s number, right? Call him, I bet if anything, that Rom guy’s caused Shuzo-kun trouble or something.”

Riku doubted that was it, but Rom was currently very high up on the list of people Kai didn’t like very much, ever since he found out he was dating Shuzo.

 

He let the phone ring, Eve’s chipper voice eventually heard through the speaker. “Hello hello, it’s Eve~”

“Um, hello, this is Riku, Shuzo-kun's bandmate.”

“Riku-kun! It’s so nice to hear from you. What’s on your mind?”

Riku felt his anxiety spiking as he asked his question; “Do you know where Shuzo-kun is right now?”

 

There was a long silence on the other end. At the other end of the room he could hear Kai talking rapidly. Finally, Eve spoke again. “No, I’m afraid not. Did something happen?” He heard shuffling on the other end of the phone, Eve’s flustered voice as he called out Adam’s name. The next voice in his ear was Adam’s, voice frantic. “What the fuck is going on?”

Riku had to pull his phone away from his ears at how loud he was. “Shuzo-kun was supposed to have been at rehearsal,” he checked the time, “almost an hour and a half ago but he hasn’t shown up. We thought maybe if Rom-san knew where he is?”

 

He heard Adam curse. “I’ll send you his number. Call him right away or I will.”

 

With that Adam hung up. Only a few seconds later a phone number was sent through text from Eve’s contact. Riku quickly glanced to Kai, who still had his phone to his ear. He shook his head.

With a shaky breath he dialed the number, begging Rom to pick up.

 

 

Everything was hazy again, and Shuzo hated every second of it.

 

Emund promised he wouldn’t do anything to him before Shuzo told him it was okay, but it didn’t really do anything to calm his nerves. People promised a lot of things. God knows he had broken his own fair share of promises.

 

Emund untied him once he was sure the drugs had taken full effect, placing him in an armchair in the corner of the room while he changed the sheets to dry ones. Try as he might, Shuzo couldn’t even move enough to get out of the chair, much less run away.

He gritted his teeth when he was placed back on the bed, hands tied yet again. He felt pathetic, body useless and not doing what he wanted it to.

 

At some point he must have fallen asleep. He must’ve been here for almost a day by now. Considering his packed schedule, he knew that people would have already noticed that he’d gone missing. He was supposed to have been at rehearsal, and it made him feel terrible that he was making Kai and Riku worry.

 

He heard his stomach growl, reminding him that the closest he’d had to eat since yesterday were those godforsaken pills Emund had forced him to swallow. 

He thumped his head against the pillow, the only outlet for his frustration that he had at the moment, closing his eyes again. The only sound aside from his own stomach was a distant clock somewhere outside the room. It must be right outside for it to still be audible through the closed door.

He concentrated on the tick tock of time passing, counting the seconds. He lost count several times, and never got higher than a minute.

 

Eventually he heard the sound of a door opening and closing. He attempted to scream, but his throat was so dry only a groan came out.

He thumped his head against the pillows again. It did nothing to clear it.

 

The door to the bedroom finally opened, and he opened his eyes to find Emund stepping inside, a container in his hands. “I brought food,” he said with a smile. He set the container down on the nightstand so he could help Shuzo sit up. “It’s tortellini. I don’t really know what food you like, but I thought pasta is pretty standard.” 

Then he raised his hands as if to dissuade his own thoughts. “Not that you’re standard, of course not, you’re anything but. You’re, you’re.” He considered the best word. “Extraordinary.”

 

“Pasta is fine,” Shuzo sighed. He was too tired to pick a fight right now. Tired and hungry. “I would love some.”

 

If the man’s plan was to get him to fall in love with him, being combative wasn’t going to help convince him that it was happening. It wasn’t a quick way to get out of here, but he would play along until he could get out of here, be it by slowly getting him to believe he was falling for him, or find a way around taking the drugs he was being given.

He let himself be fed and given water, responding to any conversation Emund tried to have with him.

Soon enough the food was gone, giving them another problem to think about.

 

Shuzo’s cheeks flushed. “May I go to the bathroom, please?” He hadn’t had to ask anyone permission since he was in school. He had no doubt this had the potential to be the most humiliating part of his captivity.

 

“Oh!” It was as if this was the first time Emund had given it any thought, even though he had kidnapped him right out of a bathroom in the first place. “Of course. Hm.” The man considered his options for a moment before coming to a decision. Shuzo braced himself.

“I’m going to untie you from the bed, then tie your hands together in front of you. I’ll wait outside while you... you know?”

 

Shuzo almost wanted to cry in relief. He wasn’t going to be in the room with him.

 

He wasn’t going to do anything to jeopardise what little privacy he was being given, so he nodded, relaxing his body as Emund leaned over him to untie his wrists. Not that he was in any state to fight him right now regardless.

He couldn’t stop his body from growing tense as Emund lifted him off the bed, carrying him out of the room.

 

It was a struggle to pay attention to his surroundings so he could get any clues as to where he might be while also pretending not to. He leaned his head against his captor’s shoulder, glancing toward the nearest window as he did. He could hear Emund’s heart racing in his chest as his breath hit his neck. He prayed he hadn’t riled him up by doing that.

 

Emund came to a stop outside a door, nudging it open with his foot. Inside revealed a bathroom in green that matched Shuzo’s eyes perfectly. It made him want to gouge them out in an irrational wave of disgust. Well, maybe it wasn’t entirely irrational.

 

He was set down on the closed toilet, Emund taking a few steps back. “Uh...” His eyes flitted around the room. “I’ll give you fifteen minutes.”

Then he backed out of the room, closing the door. He could hear something being dragged in front of it, trapping him inside the windowless room.

 

Shuzo buried his head in his hands.

 

 

When Rom’s phone rang, one of the last people he expected to be on the other end was one of the twins in Shuzo’s band.

 

His stomach dropped when he was asked if he knew where Shuzo was.

 

He had just finished a very late lunch and was about to get back to his day job when Riku’s call came. He quickly had to excuse himself fom the rest of the day, ignoring his disgruntled boss calling out to him as he left the office.

 

He got to Judas in record time.

 

Rom stepped into the lobby of the swanky agency lobby for the first time in his life, catching the eye of Arcareafact walking through.

Orion was quick to greet him. “Well if it isn’t the-”

“Not right now,” Rom grumbled, walking right past them. Argon whistled, Selen snickering at Orion having been so rudely cut off and ignored. Titan stayed quiet, eyes following Rom as he headed across the room straight for the visible elevators.

He watched the numbers on the elevator rise up and up and up. It didn’t stop until it reached the top. He stared at the numbers on the golden elevator plaque, the arrow pointing toward the highest floor. “He’s going to meet Yudas.”

“Why would Yudas-san be meeting with him ?” Selen asked, confused.

“I have no idea.”

 

 

If the privacy Emund had given him while in the bathroom had come as a relief, it quickly crumbled when it came time for him to take a bath.

 

“Are you sure you can’t let me take a bath of my own?” he asked, heart rate picking up. Maybe showering wasn’t so important, it could wait a bit longer, couldn’t it?

 

“I only have a bathtub, I can’t let you drown while you’re out of it,” Emund clarified. Shuzo wanted to tell him that he wouldn’t be so out of it if he hadn’t given him another dose of the drugs he was giving him. Clearly they were testing the limits of what was safe to take without risking his life already. His father had taken the exact same drugs before and he could clearly remember the symptoms his dad had, displayed in himself now.

They reminded him of when he’d been seven and his dad had thought it a good idea to make him take a completely different type of drug together with him. While his father was happily on a merry little trip inside his head, Shuzo had been scared out of his mind from what his own brain fabricated.

 

Being completely naked in front of a man who was so very clearly obsessed with him spelled disaster in Shuzo’s mind, even through the haze of the drugs.

 

It seemed like Emund at least understood part of Shuzo’s hesitation, even though he might not get the extent of it. “How about you undress yourself while I have my back turned until you’re in the water?”

Did he think Shuzo was just shy? It was better than nothing, he supposed. “Alright,” Shuzo agreed. “Will you untie my hands so I can take my shirt off, please?”

Emund nodded, easily agreeing now that he knew Shuzo didn’t really have the ability to fight him off. He turned around, rope still in his hands. Shuzo inwardly cursed. If he’d left the rope on the ground, maybe he could have tried to choke him with it until he passed out. He wasn’t sure if he would have been able to pull it off in his current state, but he could have tried.

 

He pulled his shirt off, letting it drop to the floor. He undressed further, getting into the tub as quickly as possible, before Emund changed his mind and turned around before he could hide himself in all the bubbles.

 

“You can turn around now,” he said, Emund doing so only to hold out one of his hands toward him.

“Give me your hands.” Shuzo’s eyes flitted between Emund’s face and the rope. With a small sigh he did as he was told, letting himself get tied up again. Emund fastened his hands to the tap, leaving his body turned at an awkward angle. “There.”

He picked up a sponge, dipping it into the water to soak it. “Now I’ll just-” 

 

He froze.

 

Shuzo blinked back at him, eyes wide.

 

“What is that?” Emund asked.

“What is... what?”

The look in Emund’s eyes scared him. The warmth he’d looked at him with up til now was gone, replaced with a cold fury. He reached forward, making Shuzo flinch as his arm was grabbed, right above the elbow.

“You have a tattoo?”

 

Oh shit.

 

The tattoo on his right upper-arm had been a well-kept secret, one that Judas had made sure none of Tricronika’s fans knew anything about, lest it made them think of him as less of a prince.

Silly, really, he was sure plenty of actual princes had tattoos. But it didn’t fit the image the agency had crafted for him.

 

It was the silhouette of a rose, a delicate thing in black ink, stem twisting, thorns with sharp edges. The petals were curved and soft. leaves sprouting from the stem. The flower stood out against his pale skin. It was the reason he never wore short sleeves in public, why the one time Judas had given him an outfit that revealed even a little bit of skin he’d worn a bandage to cover it. No one had suspected a thing, as it fit the feel of the rest of the outfit.

 

Rom had laughed and looked at him fondly the first time he had seen it. Said it suited him. It was a memory he held close to his heart.

 

“Ah... yes. I got it a long time ago.”

“That doesn’t- you can’t just-” Emund walked back and forth in the room, hands tugging at his hair. “Why would you get a tattoo? That’s not- you’re not- You're not perfect anymore, why would you do that to yourself?”

 

Shuzo stared at the floor, chest filled with dread. His voice was gentle when he spoke. Careful. “A perfect person doesn’t really exist. Deep down you must know that.”

“No no no, it’s not right! You’re supposed to be perfect! You’re supposed to be my-” Emund came to a stop right in front of him, one of his hands wrapping around his neck. Shuzo’s breath stuttered in his chest, even though he wasn’t pressing down tight enough to cut off airflow yet.

“Please,” he tugged at the ropes binding his hands to the tap. “Please don’t,” he begged. “Don’t.” His pleas were cut off as Emund’s hand squeezed, his other hand joining the first. Shuzo tried to move, tried to lift his leg high enough to kick him in the stomach or the face, anywhere at all, but his already dazed state wouldn’t let him. He felt himself passing out way more quickly than he should have, no doubt due to the drugs in his system.

 

There were times in his life when he had contemplated death. The time when his father first violated him to the point where he could no longer shed any more tears. The time he’d been kicked out of school and thought all his dreams were crushed. But he had managed to find himself again. Had fought his way back up.

 

He always wanted to go out on his own terms, as morbid as Rom had called it, back when they were sitting on their balcony, their last cigarette shared between them, rain falling in droves around them.

He had always been selfish by nature, and that selfish part of him wanted to die young and beautiful. He had found out that beauty didn’t fade quite as quickly as he once thought it did, so he’d gotten old enough to not be quite so vain anymore, though the thought of growing old still scared him.

 

And now he was going to die, with absolutely no ability to control even a bit of it. Had he been the type of person to believe in karma, he might have wondered if it was payback for the shitty person he had been throughout his life. In reality he knew it didn’t hold any deeper meaning other than a fan going too far into his own fantasies.

 

Tears were running down his face, fingers clawing at the ropes.

It was an undignified way to die.

 

The sudden bang was deafening in his ears. He found his face covered in blood and brain matter, eyes wide as he gasped for air, taking as much of it in as he could. Coughing as blood entered his lungs from breathing in too quickly.

 

Emund’s body fell forward, upper body landing with a loud splash in the tub. Shuzo couldn’t help but stare at the gaping hole in Emund’s skull. There were bone fragments in his hair, flesh sticking to his face. He could see Emund’s exposed jaw, the blood diluting in the bathwater.

He bent forward, puking onto the floor, sobbing. He didn’t understand what the hell just happened.

Someone came to crouch down in front of him, grabbing him by his hair to lift his head to look him in the eye.

 

He was face to face with his father.

 

 

Every hour that passed with no sign of Shuzo felt like agony.

 

Rom had gone to check on Shuzo’s apartment more times in the last few days than he could count, but every time it was just as empty as before. He had gotten the spare key Shuzo had left at Rom’s place for emergencies, and if this didn’t count as one, nothing did.

 

He was supposed to spend the afternoon practicing with Shingan, but he couldn’t stop staring at his phone, begging it to show a sign of life from his partner.

It had been days and there was still not a single clue as to where he might be.

 

Instead of practicing, Rom was sitting at Bar&Cafe Angelica, staring at the black screen of his phone. Hachin was sitting next to him, pretending to do his homework, but he had picked up on Rom’s energy and clearly found it hard to focus.

Math must feel insignificant when someone you knen had been missing for several days.

 

Rom’s foot bounced against the floor as he stared at the TV, phone in his hand. It was showing some news program on mute, but the media still had no idea what was going on, displaying the regular news as if everything was in order.

A cup was set down in front of him, and he looked up to meet Angelica’s eye.

The smile on her face was warm, full of compassion.

“You’ll find him sooner or later,” she said. “I’m sure of it.”

Rom took the cup in his hands, grip tight.

“It’s the ‘later’ part that I’m worried about.”

 

 

Breathing hurt something terribly. Shuzo wished he had access to a mirror to assess the damage, but if he was being honest with himself he knew he didn’t need it. Just by touch alone he could feel that it had to look horrible.

The stress from almost being strangled to death, combined with the gruesome sight of a man’s murder right in front of his eyes had made his body turn on him; he had a fever too high to be safe, especially if you took the drugs he had been fed til now into account.

 

If he had thought being kidnapped by a stranger had been bad, being back in his father’s hands was torture. Every minute sound, every creak of a floorboard sent his anxiety levels through the roof, even when it turned out he wasn’t coming into the room. Shuzo buried his face in his hands. He didn’t know how to get away, his body even weaker now that he had a fever. He wondered what day it was. He was only now regaining the ability to speak without severe pain, so it had to have been a while. If he were to ask, he wasn’t sure he would get an answer.

Thanks to the illness his father had yet to lay his hands on him. It was a small comfort amidst the devastation that was his current situation.

At least he could move a bit more now, his leg tied to the bedpost at the foot of the bed, his hands tied together in front of him, connected to rope looped around his neck. Whenever he pulled at it, he could feel the rope tighten around his throat. But if he’d had the energy, he would be able to move around on the bed, no longer stuck on his back.

 

His breath caught in his throat as he heard footsteps draw near. His father stepped into the room, a bowl in his hands. “This reminds me of whenever you got sick as a kid. Your mum would dote on you and take such good care of you until you were healthy again. It’s a pity she never taught me how to make that soup you used to like. I had to make do with store-bought.”

He sat down at the edge of the bed, lifting a spoonful of the soup out of the bowl to blow on it before moving it to Shuzo’s lips. “Open wide, Shun.”

 

Shuzo wanted to tell him that hadn’t been his legal name in years. Wanted to tell him the reason he didn’t know the recipe to his mother’s soup was because whenever she’d asked him for help he’d blown her off. But he could say none of that. All he could do was try not to choke when he attempted to swallow the spoonful of soup that was way too hot in an already pained throat. Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes as he coughed, hand pressed to his mouth.

“Oh, sorry, was it still too hot?” There was the silent sound of the spoon stirring the soup, and this time he blew on it for longer. Shuzo shook his head, motioning with his hand toward the water bottle on the nightstand. His father unscrewed the cap, handing him the bottle. He grabbed it as tightly as he was able with his hands tied together. Shuzo drank slowly, even as he wanted to guzzle it all at once. He could only manage tiny sips at a time.

 

He swore that once his fever broke he would get out of here, no matter what he had to do.

 

 

There was no way for Kai and Riku to even pretend to focus on training. Kai still somehow managed to hold his dancing classes, but that was about it. The rest of the time was spent trying not to worry about where Shuzo was, and thinking about what they had learnt about his past.

 

When Rom had stepped into Yudas’ office, they hadn’t expected to find out so much about Shuzo all at once. He’d kept so much hidden from them. Not that they could blame him for it, sharing something like that couldn’t be easy.

The abuse he’d faced, the fact that he’d had to testify against his own father when everything had come to light, it was all more than they would expect anyone to share before they were ready.

But now his father was back, and Shuzo was missing, and the option to tell them on his own terms (if he’d ever been willing to share it at all) had been taken away from him.

 

Riku watched Kai pace the room.

It was late in the evening, but he knew that neither of them would be able to sleep anytime soon.

 

 

Slowly, his father nursed him back to health. It felt odd; a strange mixture of constant fear combined with the gentleness of being taken care of. It reminded him of the better times they’d had, back when he was young.

 

Of course there had been good times. There were few people whose abusers mistreated them 100% of the time. He remembered how his father had taught him how to swim and how to ride a bike. How he’d help him with his homework. How back when his mother had been alive, they’d sometimes go out for pancakes on the weekend. That’s why it hurt so much more when he started touching him in ways no parent should. Why he hesitated for so long before telling his guidance councillor at school about what was going on at home. It had torn him apart, but he just hadn’t been able to deal with it anymore. He’d blamed himself for years afterward, plagued by both the guilt of putting his father in jail and the night terrors that repeated back all he had done to him every single night.

 

He recalled those split feelings when he was so lovingly taken care of by a man he feared more than anyone else.

It made him feel sick to his stomach, made it all the more difficult to swallow the food he was given. He knew it was only a matter of time before he was going to invite himself into Shuzo’s bed again. A twisted part of him thought that he deserved it, but he knew that was the wounded part of him that him and his therapist had been trying to heal for years. The part that had hated himself for so long. That part of himself that had lead him down a path of self-destruction throughout his teenage years. That part of himself he’d only started to allow to heal once he met Rom, Adam and Eve. They’d seen him, despite all the anger, despite the barbed wire he’d wrapped around his heart like a shield. 

 

He thought about them now, when he watched the light turn on in the hallway in the middle of the night. He twisted his hands around the rope connecting his wrists to his neck close together, the rope practically a choke collar against his already bruised skin. Every little movement made it burn.

As the man he’d hoped to never see again slipped into his bed, he thought about the confusing way Adam had taught him how to drive a car without Shuzo even needing to ask, confusing the gas pedal for the break way too many times, until Shuzo simply wrote it down on a piece of paper that he taped to the dashboard. He remembered the embarrassed blush on Adam’s face so well.

He remembered the way Eve would try to teach him how to knit, with all the patience that Shuzo lacked with needles snapping, dropped stitches and too tightly wound yarn breaking in Shuzo’s hands. How his gentle, steady hands would help him pick apart his mistakes to put it back together again, so different from how ruthless hands were tearing him apart now.

Memories of Rom teaching him how to cook more than instant noodles and microwaveable meals came to him as he was held down, tears running down his face. He’d longed for Rom’s skilled fingers to run along his spine instead of the cooking utensils just as much as he longed for the man running his hands along his skin now to just stop.

He thought about Kai and Riku, who looked up to an image of himself so different from the person he used to be. An image he didn’t know if he could uphold after this. He wished he could’ve told them more about himself before he either came out of this dead or unequivocally changed. There would be no gentle way of telling them about his past once this was all over. And god how he wished for this to be over.

He laid there, unmoving, waiting. He’d gone through this before, he would be fine. He would be okay.

 

He wasn’t sure if he was able to lie to himself well enough to believe it.

 

 

The next morning he woke up alone in bed, much to his relief. The rope around his ankle chafed as he moved, though it was the least painful part of his body. He wanted to cry at the memory of the previous night, but his eyes stayed painfully dry.

 

“You slept in late today,” came his father’s voice from the doorway, making him jump. He pulled the blankets closer to himself as best as he could with the small range his hands had. “Don’t be shy now, there’s no point in that.”

His voice was cold, so different from the last few days. The way it had always been. It was as if he was trying to put a distance between him and his actions by taking a step back and shutting off his emotions. Like he became less guilty if he didn’t act too friendly right after violating him.

 

It had felt like mind games to him when he’d been a child.

 

His father wandered around the room, telling him to get out of the bed. He tried to stand up without dropping the blanket, but it was tugged out of his hands, leaving him cold and naked. He curled in on himself.

“Jesus boy, I’m just changing the sheets. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”

 

Shuzo stood frozen at the foot of the bed, the rope only letting him go as far as to the armchair next to the window. He felt like if he reached out, he could grab the edge of the blackout curtains and look outside. He didn’t have the nerve to try with his dad in the room with him.

 

He watched as his father tore the sheets off the bed, not noticing him flinching as his clothes brushed against him. When clean sheets were on, he pointed to the mattress. “Get back on there. Don’t move after that and I might get you something to wear.”

It was an easy order to follow; he didn’t want to stay naked for longer than he had to.

 

 

He was given a hoodie that was too big on him and nothing else. He had a suspicion it belonged to Emund. Emund, a man who had tried to kill him, only to be killed by his father in return. He curled up on the bed, legs close to his chest. He longed to wrap his arms around them. Instead, he hid himself in his tail, his ears flat against his head.

He watched the shadows outside in the corridor. His father was moving around out there, doing something. One minute he could hear him nearby, then he was further away again. It felt like he was toying with him, trying to see how much he could build up the panic inside of him before he drove him to madness.

 

After inspecting the rope tied around his ankle closely, he had noticed the knot had been melted into a big untanglible mess, locking him in place. It looked the same at the other end where it was tied to the frame of the bed. If he wanted to get it off he’d have to find a knife.

There were none in the bedside table, and he found the curtains just barely out of reach, unless he wanted to take the whole bed with him, and he knew that would make too much noise when it scraped along the floor, if he could even manage to move it at all right now.

 

He tried to count the seconds, but got lost over and over again whenever the floor creaked or a shadow played on the wall. He had left the door to the room open, clearly confident that Shuzo wouldn’t be able to get away either way.

 

At some point during the day, or night, he wasn’t really sure anymore, the curtains were too wide for the window and didn’t let even a single sliver of light into the room (what if there was no window? What if the blinds were just there to confuse him? Was he overthinking this?), his father came into the room, an apple in his hand. “Do you still like bunny apples?” he asked.

Shuzo felt his heart stutter in his chest. The apple was whole. Bunny apple slices required a knife. He pretended like nothing. “I-” he hesitated, cutting himself off, his voice hoarse, feeling like sandpaper in his throat. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing and get him to leave and take the knife with him. Instead, he nodded, eyes moving between his father’s face and the apple in his hand.

His father pulled the armchair by the foot of the bed up next to it. Sitting down, he pulled a pocket knife out of his pocket, working on the apple until it was split in pieces. Shaping the peel into sloppy-looking bunnies, he reached out to hold one against Shuzo’s lips. Taking it between his teeth, he watched him cut another piece, this one for himself. He took the apple between his fingers, slowly eating it in tiny nibbles.

 

A plan took shape in his head. It involved doing things he really didn’t want to, but it was the most probable one to work.

 

They finished the apple between themselves, his father wiping the knife off on a napkin before putting it in his pocket.

Shuzo bent his leg, knee to the sky, legs parted enough to not be obscene, his delicate areas obscured by the fluff of his tail and the bulk of the hoodie. He knew how to pretend to be unconsciously enticing. He’d used it to his advantage many times in his teen years, whether it had been to trick someone into being able to get close enough to pick a fight or to sleep with them to get what he wanted after. It had been a while, but nevertheless it seemed to be working.

 

He felt eyes on him, raking down his body. It made him want to vomit. He felt hands on his skin, running up his chest underneath the hoodie, down his sides. “You just keep getting more and more beautiful", he said, pulling at the zipper of the hoodie. Shuzo felt his body grow rigid, but forced himself to relax.

 

Not yet.

 

“My beautiful, pretty Shun.” A trail of kisses were pressed to his sternum, down his stomach. It made a shiver run down his spine, something his father took as an invitation to continue rather than the disgust it really was.

 

Not yet.

 

“It’s alright,” his father petted his stomach as if it were a cat in need of comfort. “I don’t blame you. You were too young to know what you were doing, how could you know your lies would tear us apart from each other for so long?”

 

There, just as he moved even lower, Shuzo moved faster than he had in his entire life, thighs wrapping around his father’s head and neck, locking his legs around his throat.

 

His dad’s body went stiff, and he reached out to pry his legs off of him. He couldn’t. He had forgotten to stick to what Emund had started. He had forgotten to keep him drugged after finding out his fever broke. He started to hit Shuzo anywhere he could, yelling at him, but Shuzo tuned him out. He couldn’t allow himself to falter for a second, or he’d be as good as dead. If he let go now there was no doubt in his mind that the man he had finally dared act out against would kill him. He’d only beaten him a handful of times before, but it had always been after he’d attempted to stand up for himself, and it had never been pretty. He still had the faded scars to prove it.

 

Eventually his father stopped moving, but Shuzo didn’t dare to let go quite yet. He clutched the rope around his neck, trying to stop his own panic from growing. How could he do this kind of thing after knowing what it was like to be strangled?

 

He finally let go, legs unfurling just enough to wrap around him again should he move.

But he didn’t.

 

Shuzo counted to ten. Ten slow, agonizing seconds of waiting, until he dared to move again. He scrambled backwards toward the headboard, only stopping when the rope around his ankle didn’t allow him to move further. Still nothing.

With bated breath he moved forward, reaching into the pocket he knew contained the knife, his body aching from how far he had to bend over to reach it. He kept his eyes trained on his father’s face as well as he could, looking for any hint of him waking up. Had he killed him? How long could someone go without air?

He climbed off the bed and moved as far away from it as he possibly could. He couldn’t keep calm anymore.

 

Frantic, heart beating in his ears with panic, he started cutting through the rope tied to his ankle, the position awkward and uncomfortable. In his fervour he managed to cut his leg several times, the blood smearing everything a deep red. The knife slipped through his hands, slicing through the sleeve of his hoodie, blood gushing from his arm. He paid it no mind as he picked it up again, continuing to hack through the rope. Finally, he sawed through the last threads of the rope, climbing to his feet. He nearly fell over as he slipped in a puddle of his own blood, almost cutting himself on the knife again. He clutched it tight to his chest, looking over his shoulder at the unmoving body of his father before he ran as fast as his body would allow into the bathroom.

 

He slammed the door shut and locked the door.

 

A second later an absolute stench registered in his brain, and he slowly turned around.

 

The body of Emund was still there, untouched, rotting. He covered his mouth and nose with a towel by the sink, folding it to make the barrier thicker. With shaking fingers he started to search the corpse’s pockets, and to his utmost relief he found what he was looking for. His phone.

He turned the screen on, praying to a god he didn’t believe in that the phone had no lock. The tears streaming down his face regained their strength when the lock screen gave way to the home screen. The little battery in the top right corner read 3%.

 

He typed the only number he could remember in the moment.

 

 

Rom had yet again found himself at Judas, this time in Trichronika’s shared space on one of the top floors. He’d never wished to step foot there, not after they had poached Shu out of Amatelast’s hands, but now he had spent hours on end there. He sat in an armchair with his hands clasped, staring at his phone. 

 

Kai and Riku sat next to each other on the couch next to him, Kai’s hands nervously tapping against his knee. As a fellow drummer, Rom could understand the constant urge to move his hands to a beat, anxiety taking one of its shapes in unconscious movement.

He watched Riku pick up the tablet lying on the table to no doubt look at the news again. The media finding Shuzo before they did would be a terrible scenario, but it was better than him not being found at all.

 

Rom’s hand shot out when his phone buzzed. It was a text message from Hachin letting him know he was home safe. After the horrible last few days Rom’s paranoia had shot through the roof, and he had asked him to let him know when he got home in the evening, just so something could calm his mind. He knew nothing related to Shuzo was going to happen to Hachin, but knowing that at least one person he cared for was safe and sound was enough to at least ground him in the moment.

He sent a quick reply, wishing him a good night in case he got home late. Just after he hit ‘send’ a call flashed on the screen, the ringtone loud in the silence of the room.

 

An unknown number.

 

Rom picked up. “Hello, Rom speaking.”

For a few long moments, he heard nothing on the other end. “Hello?”

“...Rom...” The voice was quiet and a more than a little bit hoarse, but it was unmistakeable.

 

“Shu?!" He sprung to his feet, already reaching for his jacket. “Shu, where are you right now?!”

 

He heard Kai and Riku’s panicked whispering behind him, and he held his fingers to his lips, then pointed up. He hoped they understood enough to get in touch with Yudas.

“I think-” He was cut off by a coughing fit. “I think I killed him...”

 

Something inside Rom grew hot with all the emotions warring inside his chest. “It’s alright,” he said, voice soft. “Can you find out where you are right now?” he repeated.

“I don’t... There has to be a maps app on here...” For a few agonizing seconds, he didn’t hear anything from the other end of the line, as Shuzo navigated the phone. “Oh...”

“What?”

“It says I’m still at that bar I- XX street, bar Milène...” 

“That’s close by. We’re gonna come and get you, okay? Don’t go anywhere.”

The laugh Shuzo attempted sounded more like a sob. “I don’t think I could even if I wanted to...”

“If you can joke with me like that I’m sure you’ll be fine, huh?”

“Mm...” There was a soft noise of agreement. “Rom...?”

“Yeah?" Rom looked over to the door where Yudas had just entered, Kai and Riku both talking at mach speed, their voices hushed as they looked between Rom and Yudas.

“Don’t let Kai and Riku see me like this, please.”

“Shu, I don’t think I can stop them from coming with me.”

“I can’t- Rom, I can’t. Not just me, this whole apartment is- it's terrible, don't let them come up here.”

“I’ll do what I can, but I can’t make any promises.”

He could hear Shuzo sob on the other end. It made him feel all the more anxious.

“...The phone’s gonna run out of batteries any second now, I need to-”

 

There was a loud clatter on the other end as the call disconnected.

That didn’t sound like batteries that had just run out.

 

He cursed under his breath, before storming over to the door. He stopped in front of Yudas just long enough to give him the address. “He’s on XX street, somewhere on top of a bar called Milène.”

He hurried out the door, Kai and Riku close on his heel, Yudas keeping up with him with no issues.

“He’s only been five minutes away this whole time?” Kai asked, panic in his voice. “How couldn’t we find him?”

“I don’t know. I know where it is, do you have a car that’s not a god damn limousine? We don’t know what state he’s in, we can’t have him out on the street.”

“We do. We have plenty of cars that are inconspicuous.” Yudas held up a car key, snatching his hand away when Rom reached for it. “You’re in no state to drive.”

“Neither are they,” Rom glanced at Kai and Riku as they entered the elevator. Did they even know how to drive? A lot of people in Midicity didn’t.

 

“I’m coming with you, of course,” Yudas said. “I’m driving.” Rom felt the lurch in his stomach as the elevator started moving, the arrow on the golden plaque zipping past the numbers.

Rom bit his lip,  sharing the number Shuzo had called him from with Kai and Riku rather than arguing about who was driving. Riku quickly looked it up online. “It belongs to an Emund, 25 years old, lives on XX street... right on top of that bar. Seventh floor.”

“We know exactly where we’re headed, then.”

 

They exited the elevator, entering a big garage full of limousines and more normal-looking cars alike. “Don’t people know which ones belong to you when they dive out of here either way?”

“We have two exits,” Kai said, opening the door to the car that had just blinked its lights to indicate it had been unlocked. “One through a tunnel.”

“Fucking hell,” Rom whispered.

 

 

Driving through Midicity when it would have been faster to run was hellish. Rom sat in the passenger seat next to Yudas. Kai and Riku sat in the back. His leg bounced rapidly, the thud of his boot against the floor loud in his ears. “Can’t you drive any faster?”

“And get delayed by getting stopped by the police?”

 

He put his head in his hands.

 

 

The car came to a gentle stop right outside the bar. It was closed, no lights on even in the back. In the late weekday evening, people were scarce, the street one of the less populated ones as it held few stores or anything music related. It was just a line of apartments and this one, dark bar.

 

He put a hand on Riku’s chest as he moved to get out of the car. Riku paused, Rom catching Kai’s eye as he exited from the other side. “He asked me not to let you go up there.”

He saw the look on Kai’s face grow stormy, and when he came around the car to grab him by the jacket he didn’t stop him. “You can’t expect us to just wait down here! You’re not the only one who’s worried!”

“I know. But we have no idea what’s up there. He said it isn’t pretty. He-” His voice grew quiet. “He thinks he might’ve killed someone.”

 

Riku gasped, hands covering his mouth. “This- this Emund guy...?”

“I don’t know. But just so you know, if you go up there, I can’t have you be a liability.”

Kai and Riku exchanged looks, before Kai looked Rom directly in the eye. “We won’t be.”

“Fine.”

Kai finally let go of Rom’s jacket, taking a step back. “How do we get in there? It looks like it’s closed.”

 

“I already unlocked it,” came Yudas’ voice from the entrance. The dark green door opened smoothly. “Step on inside.”

 

Rom’s eyes narrowed his eyes as he stepped past him into the bar. “How?”

“Sometimes it’s good to know how to pick a lock.”

Rom couldn’t deny that. Especially not when he knew Shuzo, Sojun, Moa and Eve (of all people) all knew how to do so as well.

 

Riku, the last to enter, shut the door behind them. “Where do we go now?”

“There has to be a back door that leads to the junk room.” Rom stepped further into the bar, moving behind the counter. “That should lead to the apartments.” He tried the handle of one of the doors, but it led to a pantry full of bottles, fridges and freezers. Kai was quicker to reach the next. “Found it!” he called over his shoulder before he went through it.

 

They soon found themselves in a short corridor, doors on either side. Riku hushed Kai when he pointed to the name plaque that indicated the inhabitants. “We can’t let anyone see us here, it’ll cause a commotion,” he whispered.

Kai seemed to realise this as well. This was another reason why they should’ve stayed in the car, Rom thought. “The 7th floor is the top floor,” Kai whispered back, and turned to the stairs and the elevator. “Which do we take?”

“Elevators. Hide behind me and Yudas in case anyone else comes inside.”

It was the best plan they could make on the fly. 

 

The elevator wasn’t nearly as fast as the one at Judas, every second it took feeling painfully slow. But they were lucky that no one else needed to use the elevator while they were in it, as it didn’t stop until they were at the top.

They came to a stop in front of one of the doors, bearing a familiar name. Yudas crouched in front of the lock, making surprisingly quick work of it. “There we go,” he said quietly, Rom taking the lead as he slowly opened the door.

 

At first, he couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary. He prepared himself in case he needed to fight, just in case. They found a neat kitchen and a living room with shelves full of Trichronika DVDs. He could see both Kai and Riku shiver at the sheer amount of Shuzo’s memorabilia displayed all around the room.

Rom walked past it all, down a corridor. “Shu...?” he called out, quietly. He entered what must be the bedroom and stopped dead in his tracks. Amongst even more of Shuzo’s merchandise, there was a hacked off rope tied to the foot of the bed, and right next to it, puddles of blood. Footprints led toward the door, the obvious spot where whoever it was had slipped in it. He took a step back, blocking Kai and Riku from entering. “He’s not in there,” he said, voice tight. But he had a feeling they would soon find him.

 

He stared at the floor. The rug in the corridor was already red, which was why they hadn’t noticed the footprints that were only off by a shade or two in colour. Soon, the blood had been absorbed into the plush carpet, but not too soon to notice where they were headed.

He didn’t know what was on the other side of the door, but he was fairly certain that Shuzo had to be in there. He knocked on the door. “Shu? Are you in there?”

 

Before he could hear a reply he heard Riku scream, a loud thud as he crashed into the wall.

“Riku!” Kai yelled, running for Riku, who was now lying on the floor. A man had slammed his body out through a closet door, right into Riku as he passed.

Rom went to pull the man away from them. But someone else was faster.

 

Shuzo had ripped the door open, and with a dark look on his face he slammed a shower curtain rod into the man’s head with all that he was worth.

 

The man dropped to the floor like a rock with a loud thud, the rod in Shuzo’s hands following soon after, noise muffled by the rug underneath his feet. He took a few steps back, hand covering his mouth. He looked utterly exhausted and like he was at the height of a panic attack all at once.

“Shu!” Rom reached out for him, Shuzo turning around to face him, eyes wide.

 

“Don’t touch him!” Yudas voice was loud in their ears. Everybody froze.

“W-why-" Kai helped Riku up on his feet.

 

Yudas stepped up to stand in front of Shuzo, making him cower. It was an odd sight. “Shuzo-kun," His voice that had just been so harsh was now gentle, and he rested his hand on Rom’s arm to make him wait. “This is going to be a really invasive question, but I need you to answer honestly.” Shuzo bit his lip, before giving a tiny nod. “Did he rape you?”

 

They could hear Kai gasp, Riku’s hand coming to the wall to support himself. God damn it, they should’ve stayed in the car.

Shuzo’s eyes darted between Kai and Riku, the unconscious man on the floor, to Rom, and finally back to Yudas.

 

His voice was broken when he whispered his reply. “Yes."

 

Yudas continued. “Have you cleaned off the evidence?”

“...No.”

Rom didn’t want to think about what that really meant, but he couldn’t stop himself from doing so anyway. Judging by the horrified looks on both Kai and Riku’s faces, neither could they.

 

“Do you know where the owner of the apartment is?”

Shuzo pointed toward the bathroom with a shaking hand. A very strange and terrible smell was coming from it. It made Rom’s skin crawl.

 

Yudas stepped past them, into the room. “Good lord,” he gasped. Whatever was in there, Rom didn’t know if he could handle it. Not when he wasn’t allowed to touch Shuzo to give him any comfort. He watched Yudas come back outside, his face tinted green. Whatever it was had been a lot to handle even for him. “Did you kill him?”

Shuzo shook his head, his hand tugging at the collar of the hoodie he was wearing. Hiding something. “No, I thought I...” his eyes went to his father’s body on the floor. “I really might have, now...”

 

Kai hesitantly reached forward to take the man’s pulse. “I, I’m not sure,” he whispered. “I don’t really know how to...” He yelped when the man groaned. So not dead, then. Why were the worst people the ones who never died? Though he was relieved. Shuzo didn’t need to have that on his conscience. 

 

Kai and Riku backed away from the man who was starting to come to. “Dumb, filthy little slut...” they heard him grumble. They watched his eyes open through the blood running down his face from where Shuzo had hit him only minutes ago. He glared at Shuzo, fingers digging into the rug, but he didn’t seem like he was able to get up quite yet. Rom moved to stand in front of Shuzo, whose ears were flattened against his head, his tail wrapped around himself. “I’m going to fucking kill you...”

Riku squeaked, but even he joined Rom, as well as Kai, to stand in front of Shuzo.

 

Yudas stepped forward, and with a smack his fan met the man’s already injured head. “I think not,” he said, pulling out a length of rope he must have grabbed from somewhere inside the apartment. Behind him, he noticed Shuzo’s flinch, no matter how tiny it was.

“It’s not the same,” Yudas said. “I found it in the kitchen.”

 

He tied the man’s hands behind his back, securing the knots tightly. “We’re going to have to call the police before we leave. Riku-kun, could you fetch a blanket? There are probably some in the living room.”

“O-of course.” Riku looked like he would rather do anything but leave Shuzo’s side, but he did was he was told anyway. It took him longer than Rom would have hoped, but when he came back, it was with a blue blanket that matched Shuzo’s most used outfit a little bit too well. “This was the only one that wasn’t... merchandise.”

“It’ll do. Can you please wrap it around Shuzo-kun? Be careful not to touch him directly.”

 

“You can’t catch rape,” Shuzo’s smile was bitter, a sharpness to it that Rom hadn’t seen him wear in years. It made Riku fumble for a second, not expecting the harsh look on his face. They had never heard him speak like that, used to a way different version of him than Rom was.

 

“No, but you know as well as I do that the less contamination of anything touching you, the better your chances of getting him convicted will be. Us being here in the first place is already doing plenty of damage.”

“I don’t think them touching me is going to make what’s inside of me right now magically disappear.”

“Shuzo-kun, think about who you’re saying that in front of.” Yudas’ voice was firm, not quite as harsh as it had been when he told them not to touch him, but the same tone was there.

Shuzo’s eyes shot to Kai and Riku. His eyes grew soft, the harsh smile on his face melting away. He didn’t say anything else, just a soft thank you as Riku finally wrapped the blanket around his shoulders.

 

Yudas stood up from where he’d been crouching next to the once again unconscious man, pulling out his phone. He walked over to the bedroom, and before he shut the door, he held out a finger at the four of them. “Remember. No direct touching.”

The door closed silently behind him.

 

They stood there, at a loss for what to do, until Shuzo moved past them toward the man who for all intents and purposes had made the last week of his life hell. “Kai, Riku, I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to find out any of this like this.” He looked at them over his shoulder. Then, he crouched down in front of his father. “The next time we meet, I hope it’s in hell,” he whispered, but Rom still caught it.

So had Kai. “Shuzo-kun, I don’t think you’re-”

 

Shuzo laughed, even though it sounded like it was causing him pain. “Don’t worry, I don’t actually believe in hell.” He came back to their side, bunching the topmost part of the blanket around his neck. “If it exists, we’re definitely going though.” He met Rom’s eyes with a smile, too cheerful for the situation.

Still, Rom couldn’t help but smile back, stopping himself from reaching out and touching him. “Dragging me down with you?” he said, voice fond.

 

“Absolutely.”

 

 

The door to the bedroom opened soon after.

 

“The police will be here soon,” Yudas let them know. “They’re sending a plainclothes unit ahead first, we’ll be able to leave once they arrive. Are you going to be able to handle the examination after?”

Shuzo’s sigh was bone deep. “It’s not my first one. I’ll be fine.”

Through all the business he dressed his current actions in, Yudas looked concerned. “We’re going to have to postpone your tour,” he said, making Shuzo take a step toward him.

“I’ll be fine-”

“Your voice won’t be able to recover in just a few hours. You do hear yourself?”

 

Shuzo’s hand clutched the fabric covering his throat. Rom caught the slight wobble of his bottom lip. “How long have I... been here?

“More than a week. The tour is supposed to start in less than 24 hours. No matter how well you take care of your throat until then, you’re not going to be able to sing.”

 

Shuzo leaned against the wall next to him. “Fuck...” he whispered. He whispered another curse under his breath. Rom could understand his reaction. Shuzo had given up so much to get where he was. The stage was like a second home to him, a home he didn’t want to lose.

 

“What do we-” Riku cut himself off before continuing again, trying to find the words he was looking for. “What do we tell the fans?”

“Leave that to me,” said Yudas. “What you two are going to do is go home and try to get some sleep. I’ll sort everything out until then.”

Kai opened his mouth to protest but was interrupted by a knock on the door. Yudas opened it after looking through the peephole, revealing two people.

 

After showing their IDs they were let into the apartment, the door closing behind them. “We’re with the police,” a dog myumon said, her voice firm but soft as she turned her eyes toward Shuzo. “We’ve already discussed with Yudas-san, but we’re going to have to ask you to take some tests, okay? We can do it either at the hospital or in your home.”

“You don’t usually... do that, do you?” Shuzo’s voice was quiet.

“No, but we’re aware of your very... delicate situation,” she replied, turning her eyes to the man prone on the floor, then to Yudas. “And the other man?”

“In there,” Rom threw his thumb over his shoulder to the bathroom door.

 

“He’s been dead for about a week,” Shuzo whispered. “I’m not sure how many days exactly, but he- he shot him. In the head.”

“Did you see it happen?” asked the other cop, a short chipmunk, a notepad in one hand, a pen in the other.

“Yes.” His hand went to his neck again. “Do I- can I give my testimony once we’re done with the- the kit? I’d like to take a shower.”

 

Shuzo was lucky. If he hadn’t been who he was, they probably would have told him to answer more questions. As it were, he was the most famous person in the entire universe, and even here, that seemed to matter. Rom threw a thought to all the people who didn’t have that luxury. He couldn’t imagine what that must be like. He knew Shuzo was thinking about it as well. The last time, he’d been an unknown teenage boy stuck testifying against his own father in a trial that left him without a family. This time, at least he had people by his side.

 

 

It had been difficult to get Kai and Riku to leave the car once they were outside their home. What finally got them to leave was the knowledge that people would soon be getting out of bed, and that meant they should probably not stand out here, arguing. Shuzo had finally been allowed to touch them, however briefly, taking their hands gingerly in his through the rolled down car window. His smile was gentle, his eyes holding a sadness to them. His voice was as soft as it currently could be. “Thank you for being there with me. We’ll talk later, okay?”

Kai rubbed his eyes clear of tears, Riku’s voice revealing how close he too was to crying. “Of course, Shuzo-kun. We’ll be there as long as you need us.”

“Good night, Riku. Kai.”

 

They watched them enter the upscale building that contained their matching apartments. Shuzo’s smile dropped, and he leaned back in his seat. The tinted windows of the glass hid them perfectly from view.

He tugged the hoodie and the blanket higher around his throat.

“Shu, you keep-”

“Please, not yet. Let’s get to the apartment first, I don’t want to... have to talk about this more times than I have to.”

 

Rom wanted to reach into the backseat and scoop him into his arms. He wanted to kiss all his bruises, brush the worry off his face. But he couldn’t. Instead, he put his hand on the centre console. Shuzo let his fingers rest right next to his for the rest of the drive.

 

 

A nurse, a bear myumon with a kind and warm face, waited inside the lobby of Shuzo’s apartment building.

Rom walked quietly by Shuzo’s side as they made their way to the elevator, Shuzo’s bare feet making little noise compared to the heels he usually wore. The lobby was blissfully empty but for them and the doorman, who averted his eyes.

 

Once they were inside the apartment, Rom had hoped Shuzo would relax at least a tiny bit, but when he didn’t, he considered it a moment longer. Shuzo was very averse to letting other people into his home. He’d told Rom that neither Kai or Riku even knew where he lived, and the only people who had ever been in there were Yudas, Rom and himself. So to now be forced to let a stranger in had to be uncomfortable.

Especially with what still waited for him now.

 

The nurse placed her bag on top of the kitchen table, unzipping it and picking items out. “We’re going to start by having a look at any injuries you might have. Would you like either of these people to leave the room? Would you like to do this in a different room? You’re going to have to lie down for parts of this, and I wouldn’t recommend the floor.”

“The- the living room is fine?” Shuzo seemed hesitant to let her come any further into the apartment, but it didn’t seem like an examination on the kitchen table was all that tempting.

“And your guests?”

 

Shuzo’s hand grabbed Rom’s tightly. His eyes begged him to stay. “I, it’s alright.”

“Alright. If at any point, you need them to leave, let me know, okay?”

“Okay.”

 

They moved into the living room, Shuzo gingerly sitting down at the edge of the coffee table after the nurse had spread out a plastic sheet on top of it. She sat down in an armchair. Rom could tell that Shuzo was staring at the subtle pink pattern of its fabric rather than the nurse sitting on the chair whenever he had to look her way.

 

“Alright, to start, do you have any injuries I should examine?”

Shuzo’s hand tightened around the fabric around his neck, before he nodded, finally pulling the blanket away. Pulling the hoodie’s zipper down a bit, he stared straight ahead, not meeting anyone’s eye.

Rom sucked in a breath at the sight, but the nurse stayed calm. “Anything else?”

The answer was already obvious, what with the blood on his legs and the bloody tear in one of the sleeves. Shuzo held on to the edge of the table as his wounds were tended to, silent. Staring into the air like he wasn’t even there.

He was only brought back to reality when he heard his name.

There were a lot of questions he had to answer.

 

 

When it came time for the actual examination, Shuzo clammed up. He grew quiet, not a word crossing his lips as he held Rom’s hand as the nurse took care of him. The grip on his hand was bruising, but Rom didn’t let it show, just stayed there by Shuzo’s side throughout the whole thing. Once they got to the part where he had to undress, he asked Yudas to leave, which he easily did. Then, he went back to being completely silent, not even a flinch or a single noise escaping his lips.

 

He stared into the ceiling, and it was clear to Rom that he wasn’t really there anymore.

 

 

Afterward, when the nurse had left and everything was said and done, Shuzo shut himself in the bathroom, alone. Yudas left after bidding him good night through the door, leaving Rom to lock the door behind him.

 

 

Shuzo stood in front of the mirror, staring himself in the face. He wished smashing the mirror into thousand little pieces would have the ability to take all the damage away, but that would only do more harm than good.

 

He ran his fingers through his hair, willing the memories away the way the water from the shower had circled the drain. He wanted to take a pair of scissors and cut off every strand his father touched. He wanted to tear his skin off where fingers lingered a moment too long.

 

He crouched down onto the floor, hands tightly gripping the enamel of the sink. He wanted to disappear. Sink into the floor and become one with the earth. Maybe then, he would feel everything a little less intensely. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel like everything was completely and utterly wrong, in every conceivable way.

 

A soft knock on the door brought him back to the present.

“Shu, it’s me. Would you like something to eat?”

“I don’t know if I have anything that hasn’t gone bad,” he admitted, resting his forehead against the wood of the door.

“That’s okay, I’ll figure something out.”

 

Rom’s words brought a smile to his lips, and he finally pulled on his soft and fuzzy pyjamas to hide his body. The collar was high and bulky, with strings to tighten the hood with, making it the perfect thing to hide his mangled throat. It had a silly mascot of a sleepy egg on the left side of the chest that had always made him giggle.

 

He exited the bathroom; his feet bare against the cold hardwood floor, making him shiver. He found Rom in the kitchen, making omurice. The sight of the eggs made him laugh quietly to himself.

“What?” Rom asked, glancing at Shuzo over his shoulder.

“Nothing...” Shuzo came closer, leaning against Rom’s back. His hands rested against his chest, feeling the steady heartbeat under his palm. “I’m just really glad that you’re here right now.”

“I’m glad you’re here too.” Rom took Shuzo’s hand, pulling it upward to press a soft kiss to his fingers. “I was going crazy with you gone, only to find out you were so close the whole time.”

 

“I thought about you a lot while I was there,” Shuzo admitted, his cheeks dusting pink at the tenderness of Rom’s lips on his fingertips. “And I thought about when Adam taught me how to drive.”

Rom let out a startled laugh. “That’s what you thought about? That’s why you’re such a bad driver now. I can’t believe you passed your exam.”

“Me neither.” Shuzo rested his cheek against Rom’s back. “I thought about when Eve taught me how to knit.”

“Tried to,” Rom quipped. “I think he still has that scarf you made.”

“Why in the world would he keep that god awful thing? It was horrible!”

“You worked hard on it!”

 

Shuzo smacked him lightly on the shoulder with a hand before returning it to its rightful place, right above Rom’s heart. “It deserved nothing better than the bin I tossed it in.” Then he was silent for another moment before continuing. “I thought about how you taught me how to cook. I don’t have time to do it a lot anymore, but unlike Eve’s lessons, yours were not in vain.”

“Good to know. I’ll expect my gourmet dinner by the end of the month.”

“You ass, you know damn well I never got that good at it. It’s slightly above mediocre or nothing at all, for you.”

“I’ll look forward to it.” Shuzo could hear the wide grin in Rom’s voice.

“You bet.” He turned his head to look up into the ceiling, at the lone few stars he’d tacked to it. They were green now in the mid-morning light. “I thought about what Kai and Riku might teach me, if I give them the chance. I’ve kept them at arm's length for years now, but I know there’s things I could learn from them.”

“I’m sure they’d love that,” Rom said, and then Shuzo could hear the quiet click of the stove being turned off. Rom turned around in his arms, wrapping his arms around him. “Is it alright if I kiss you?” he asked.

 

Shuzo felt his face grow hot. He wanted to kiss Rom so bad even as he felt anxiety bubble in his stomach. “Not... not tonight. I’m sorry. On- on the hands is fine though, I really enjoyed that.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for.” Rom took his hand, smiling as he pressed his lips against his palm. “Take all the time you need.”

 

For the first time in several weeks, Shuzo felt at ease.

 

 

They laid in bed, face to face, hand in hand. Rom was wearing a pyjama he’d brought from home some odd months ago. Shuzo’s heart was beating loudly in his chest, louder and louder, pace quickening until he couldn’t take it anymore. He moved in close, pressing his ear to Rom’s chest. The steady rhythm of his heartbeat grounded him, even as he started to cry. All the emotions he’d tried to keep inside came all at once, like a dam that finally cracked under the pressure.

He hadn’t cried in such a way in such a long time. Not holding back an inch, just letting it take over for a few moments. Rom held him in his arms like he was something precious, something he didn’t want to lose, and it all just made him cry that much harder.

Eventually though, his sobbing calmed down, exhaustion taking over. He was so, so tired. He knew that sleep wasn’t going to fix everything, he would have to go back to therapy, he still had to have another long talk with the police about everything that happened. There was so much to do that just one night of rest couldn’t fix. 

 

But for now, it would have to do.

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